There’s no beating around the bush here, folks — there are just some things in life that are better when they’re bigger: bank funds, flat screen TVs and wine tumblers, just to name a few.
However, is “BIGGER” necessarily “BETTER” when we digress from mega fishbowls at Happy Hour, and analyze the size discrepancies of certain body parts?
No, fellas — this isn’t a discussion about the female form, but rather one of Freud’s favorite topics: the PHALLUS or PENIS.
The most accurate measurements of the penis fluctuates by size variability and primate species. Phallic-size fluctuation is dependent on a number of factors, including arousal level (such as time of day); room temperature; frequency of sexual activity, and reliability of measurement.
What are the differences between primates?
For starters, most primates have a penis bone and can achieve erections via muscle contraction. In contrast, the human penis has evolved the vasocongestion system to achieve erection, making the erect organ more flexible than other primate species.
In terms of size, the average erect gorilla penis is 3cm(1.25 inches) long, versus the average chimp penis that ranks in at 8 cm (3.15 inches) long. Compared to other primates, the human penis is the largest (in both absolute terms and relative size to the rest of the body) — but don’t get too cocky just yet, fellas!
Even though men sport larger members than their tree-swinging ancestors, the average erect penis is no more than 5 inches long and 1½ inches in diameter. Additionally, just 15% of men exceed 7 or more inches, and only 3% of men are over 8 inches — or, the average length of a banana.
The smallest recorded human penis was 5/8 of an inch, while the largest recorded human penis was 13.5 inches. Penis size is not considered a medical concern, unless the penis is shorter than 1½ inches when flaccid and/or 3 inches when erect (you can breathe easy, gentlemen).
Fascinating Phallic Facts
Did you know the best way to increase penis size is by losing belly fat? For some men, this should be plenty of incentive to hit the gym more often!
Another penis health incentive to consider? Stop smoking to prevent shrinkage! Research has shown that the effects of long-term smoking impacts penis size; shortening a man’s erection length by reducing blood flow throughout the body, and also to the erection. On average, smoking has been known to reduce an erection by up to half an inch! Nicotine patch, anyone?
Additionally, the “big hands, big (___)” myth has officially been dispelled, so all you “SIZE 5” sneakerheads out there are in the clear! Scientists have long-attempted to connect penis size to the size of mens’ feet, noses, thumbs, earlobes and index fingers; even going so far as to try and bridge a connection between flat buttocks and long penises. The (not-so-surprising) verdict? The fact, there is no real way to predict penis size, without actually looking at the penis.
In terms of national size discrepancies, two countries sport very contrasting measurements! Congo reigns in as the big daddy of endowment; sporting an average penis size of 7.06 inches when erect, versus North Korea’s unimpressive, 3.8 inches (dare we say: Napoleon complex?)
Jonah Falcon of New York is considered to have one of the largest penises in the world! Believe it or not, TSA airport security had once mistaken Falcon’s penis for a concealed weapon (insert “Naked Gun” joke here). Jonah Falcon measures in at 9.5 inches (24 cm) in length when flaccid, and a lengthy 13.5 inches (34 cm) when erect. Some guys have all the luck.
Jonah Falcon Featured At TLC’s Strange Sex
…and here is another video where he is featured.
Penis Size Comparisons
Dr. Christian of Embarrassing Bodies performed some myth busting over penis size controversial issue with the University of Birmingham rugby team players.
Jonah Falcon’s Record Has Been Taken
Roberto Esquivel Cabrera from Saltillo, Mexico spark the media recently as he broke the world record as man with the longest penis(1) (2). He wanted to be recognized by the Guiness World Records, but unfortunately there is no such category, an official told reporter. He registered himself as a “disabled” person because due to his overly huge penis he is rejected with every job interview, and no girlfriend since women are afraid to have sex with him.
- Name: Roberto Esquivel Cabrera
- Place: Saltillo, Mexico
- Age: 52 Years Old
- Penile Length: 18.9 inches or 48.2 centimeters
- Penile Glan Circumference: 10 inches or 25 centimeters
- Occupation: None
- Girlfriend: None
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